Harry Potter Bunny Ranch
by Jason Thompson
Summary: Everyone else is doing it, why shouldn't I? This'll be the place I place all those story ideas that may be fit to print but not fit to expand. Multiple charecters, multiple pairings, all AUs. Mostly unrelated. Tastes Great and is Less Filling!
1. You Know My Name

**You Know My Name**

Summary: What if the DOM had taken an interest in Harry after his Fourth Year?

Albus Dumbledore quietly entered his office with a worried frown marring his aged features. He could hear the sounds of celebrations throughout the castle; the whole of Wizarding Britain was celebrating as Harry Potter had vanquished Lord Voldemort just days ago. The Boy Who Lived was now truly the Chosen One.

The showdown between the two took place at King's Cross and the pitched battle cost many their lives. Remus Lupin and Severus each fell to the wand of Bellatrix LeStrange before she was bested by perhaps the most unlikely hero possible, Neville Longbottom. The LeStrange brothers were killed by Nymphadora and Hermione while Ron and Ginny Weasley along with the brothers did an admirable job of protecting the younger students alongside Harry's Defense Association.

In the end, all the battle was little more than a preamble to the destruction Harry and Tom wrought on each other. Every spell Albus had ever seen in combat was exchanged, including liberal use of the Unforgivables by Tom. Harry countered with especially brutal uses of more mundane combat and non-combat spells.

Towards the end, Harry had managed to corner Tom near the engine of the Hogwarts Express, he fired a stone cutting curse that pierced the train's boiler and doused the Dark Lord with boiling water. Everyone on the platform, Albus included, would recall Tom's piercing shriek of agony as his skin flash boiled for the rest of their lives.

As the Dark Lord's flesh turned an ugly purple, Harry unleashed a second stone cutting curse that sliced through his wand hand at the palm. Shards of yew fell to the ground along with three fingers, a moment later Tom Riddle hit the ground as well. A well placed blasting curse destroyed his left leg below the knee.

Harry approached his bested foe with a coldness that frightened Dumbledore, he didn't speak, didn't scowl, he didn't shake with repressed rage. He merely approached one of the most brutal killers in the last century with a detached expression. Then the ribbon cutting charm sliced through flesh and the head of Tom Riddle left his shoulders with a grimace of agony.

In his experience, no one should be able to take a life that brutally and efficiently without eventually turning to the Dark Arts. That was why it was with great regret that Albus decided he'd have to end the life of Harry Potter, for the good of all the young man had saved.

As he crossed the room he noticed a pile of ash on Fawkes' perch, he crossed the room quickly and inspected the perch. Fawkes shouldn't have started his burning for another month. His friend had been murdered. He noted that the ashes were very close to Fawkes' water bowl. He picked up the bowl and carefully sniffed the liquid within, then nearly dropped it when an unexpected voice came from behind him.

"Do you know how many masking agents it required to prevent that pigeon of yours from smelling the basilisk venom I put in his water?" He whipped around to find Harry sitting nonchalantly in the chair across from his desk. He idly tapped his fingers on the arm's rest; he didn't wait for a reply. "Thirty-four. Perhaps overkill, but I couldn't risk him stopping me."

Albus began to reach into his robes as he spoke gently, "Harry-"

Harry's wand was in his hand in a flash though still held casually, "Now, now Headmaster. Let's keep this civil." He gave him a grim smile, "For the moment. After all, we're co-workers are we not?" Dumbledore regarded him with growing confusion, Harry then clarified. "We're both in Her Majesty's Secret Service."

Albus' eyes widened, "I suppose that explains how your skills began to advance so much after Fourth Year. You work for the Department of Mysteries."

With a chuckle the young man shook his head, "It will please M to know end that she can outsmart the great Albus Dumbledore. The DOM was absorbed into MI6 almost fifteen years ago. Ironically, thanks in large part to you. You lost the Department one of their best operatives when you let Sirius go to Azkaban without a trial. Prime Minister Thatcher thought it best that she kept a better eye on the Ministry before you got Her Majesty killed.

"I should also note that had you not left me in the care of the Dursleys I wouldn't have been so closely watched by SIS and the DOM either. To be honest, you made me a perfect recruit; I grew up in a broken and abusive home, I have no sense of family and a desperate need to belong to something. You all but handed me to them on a silver platter.

"They openly approached me after fourth year through Sirius and both Double-O Class-W agents to offer me a fighting chance to beat Tom. A chance you never bothered to offer me, I might add."

Dumbledore sighed sadly, "I only ever wanted you to have a childhood, Harry. After all, our late friend, Alastor was a Double-O. One of the two that approached you, I imagine. I didn't want that kind of life for you and I see I am right. You defeated Tom with brutality, Harry. You were savage and cold blooded, unnecessarily so."

Harry smirked, "I respectfully disagree." He stood up casually. "This argument is at an impasse. You believe I'm a murderer and I will never forgive you for not treating Riddle's return seriously and costing me my Godfather as well as Remus." He sighed, "However, M says that revenge is beneath me so I have to put that aside."

Albus frowned, "What does that mean?"

Harry's face hardened to stone, "You know exactly what I mean. I'm here to retire you, Albus. You violated one of the few rules we have in our business. You put yourself ahead of the Crown's best interests."

Albus' eyes widened at the word "retire" and he groped into his robes for his wand. Harry was faster with his "Expelliarmus." The Elder Wand flew through the air and landed in the younger wizard's hand. Harry then continued as though he never stopped, "You had a chance to stop Tom before he got started, you had to have known that once Voldemort was taken care of that this would happen. I just happen to be the only qualified Class-W, nothing personal."

The old wizard felt his face growing pale. His mind raced and Harry seemed content to let him try to slip loose from his "retirement." Finally, an old memory surfaced and he stuttered, "Harry, if they really wanted me to 'retire' they'd have sent a Double-O. With Moody dead, there's only one left."

Harry raised an eyebrow, "It doesn't occur to you that they would have replaced Moody as quickly as possible?"

Albus suddenly felt ill and his voice grew flat as he spoke, "I was a candidate for that status long before you were born Harry. I know that to become a Double-O a wizard would have to assassinate two targets by muggle means. I would know-" Harry pocketed the Elder Wand then produced a piece of black ribbon like a woman would tie her hair with, on the ribbon were several rather ugly rings. He recognized them as belonging to Dolores Umbridge.

He dropped the ribbon rather unceremoniously to the floor and said, "She falsely imprisoned citizens of the Crown and she had enough connections that your friends on the Wizengamot would have no doubt let her go."

He sighed at this young man and mourned the death of the wide-eyed young boy who first came here seven years ago. "Did she not deserve at least a trial?"

"Trials for the guilty and powerful often end with a perversion of justice." The words were delivered with a paradoxical mixture of jaded apathy and bitter conviction.

Dumbledore lowered his head sadly, "It saddens me that you had to take a life Harry, but still Dolores was just one person."

He nodded towards the desk, "It seems you haven't read today's Prophet."

Albus moved to his desk and found that day's Daily Prophet set out before him. There was a picture of Malfoy Manor and a banner headline on the front page; "Malfoys Murdered!"

Harry spoke dispassionately, "Lucius was found garroted in the parlor. The assassin was more merciful to his wife and son; he dosed them with basilisk venom while they slept."

With a sense of resignation settling upon him he said, "I suppose I should congratulate you."

Harry nodded and said, "A last request?"

Albus smiled sadly, "Make it quick, please."

Two simple words later, he was no more.

&#&

Tonks stood outside the Headmaster's Office, seemingly aimlessly but in reality she was Harry's backup. Prior to Harry officially joining MI6 after his fifth year, she'd been the rising star in the organization. Under Moody's tutelage, she'd gone from training to active status quicker than anyone ever. Her abilities made her a natural deep cover agent and her connections with Moody and Sirius gave her the pedigree to go along with her skill.

Moody'd been a Double-O longer than she'd been alive and M had said more than once that had Sirius not gone to Azkaban he was in line to take Mad-Eye's place as one of the two Class-W agents classified Double-O.

Then Harry joined, and her records fell one-by-one. His father's bravado, mother's sharp mind and the undying hunger to prove himself and finally belong somewhere was a perfect combination to create a prodigy. It was only a matter of time before M offered them the chance they'd both earned.

When both Class-W Double-Os were killed at King's Cross, M scrambled to promote two new ones. Tonks was the obvious first choice and she was tasked with assassinating two former Death Eaters that still held positions of power in the Ministry and Wizengamot while Harry was tasked with two assassinations of his own.

She'd opted for a somewhat hands off approach, half a pound of C-4 for one and a sniper rifle for the other. Harry had been a little more hands on. He'd kicked in Umbridge's door and put a round in her forehead and Lucius…

She could still remember walking through the Malfoys' front door to see the placed had been destroyed. Nearly every chair and table was either overturned of obliterated, the banister on the grand stair case leading up towards the bedrooms was destroyed as well and Malfoy's cane was in pieces on the floor. She followed a loud crashing into the sitting room, everything in the room was in some way broken and she could see evidence that several blasting curses had struck the walls.

Lucius and Harry were struggling with a knife in front of the fireplace. Harry gained the upper hand when he suddenly released his opponent's wrist with one hand and drove it into the older man's throat. Harry then pulled hard on the Death Eater's arm and staggered him before driving the heel of his boot down hard on the now vulnerable knee.

With a sickening cry Malfoy was on the floor.

Tonks had been transfixed as Malfoy crawled across the floor towards his wand while Harry bent over and retrieved a black ribbon from the floor. He ran the material through his fingers as he approached the crawling man, "Acromantula silk, decadent Mr. Malfoy."

Just as Malfoy was within a few inches of his wand, Harry struck like a coiled snake. The ribbon was suddenly around Malfoy's throat and Harry's planted a knee in the center of the Death Eater's back to add pressure. He twisted the ribbon behind Malfoy's neck, tightening it until it bit into his throat and blood wept from beneath the ribbon.

She could only watch as the life fled from the Lord of the Malfoy Family's eyes slowly while his arms and legs flailed in an attempt to stop his murder. It actually took longer than she expected for Malfoy to die and even longer for Harry to release his hold on the ribbon and walk away.

The look on Harry's face was burned into her mind; she'd seen it on Sirius' and Moody's face. The look of a man who was willing and able to do anything to get the job done.

After promoting the pair this morning, M gave them their first assignment; clean up the loose ends of the Voldemort uprising, starting with the liquidation of Dumbledore. Tonks had to hand it to M, she definitely believed in the sink or swim style of teaching.

"What's so funny, Tonks?"

She turned to find Hermione Granger approaching, the metamorph smiled and pushed off the wall she'd been leaning against. She considered pretending to stumble to put up appearances, but decided against it as she'd suspected that like Harry, Hermione knew it was an act. "Work related, Hermione. Nothing really."

The younger witch gave her a wary look, causing Tonks to smirk. "You can't take house points from an alumnus, Hermione."

The Head Girl smirked as well, "I suppose I'll have to settle for being unreasonable to the next Hufflepuff I come across. 'Twenty-five points lost for not being polite enough to a firstie, Miss Bones.'"

"Abuse of power, Hermione? I'm so proud." Both witches turned to find Harry exiting the Headmaster's office. He was wearing black slacks with casual black shoes and a dark maroon button down shirt under a black muggle coat.

Hermione regarded her friend with shock followed quickly by annoyance, "Harry why are you out of uniform? You should be setting a better example."

A hint of a warm smile was muted by the dark look in Harry's eyes that hinted at what he'd just done. "Sorry Hermione, I was just informing Professor Dumbledore that I was withdrawing from Hogwarts." If Hermione was annoyed at Harry's attire, she was looking almost apoplectic at his announcement. Harry merely chuckled, "Relax Hermione, I took my NEWTs a few days ago and received three masteries."

The Head Girl went from rage to pride in an instant, "How?"

"The job I've had since fifth year, they allowed me private tuition during the summers. I have masteries in Charms, Transfiguration and Defense. I also passed three other courses well enough to open any career choices I might have in the future."

Hermione frowned, "What kind of company hires students before they're out of Hogwarts?"

Harry reached into his coat and produced a business card, "Find out. We're always looking for new blood. My department head asked me to approach you specifically."

Hermione looked at the business card in his hand. It read, "Universal Exports."

As Hermione turned to him with a confused frown he continued, "If you're interested in hearing more, tap the card with your wand and our people will contact you."

Hermione debated the card and the prospect it represented for a moment before she pulled her wand from within her robes and tapped it to the card. She had only enough time for her eyes to widen in shock and to say, "What-" before the portkey took her to the orientation center for Class-W recruits.

The amused expression quickly left the two Double-Os faces and they proceeded down the hallway. They were already exiting the castle when Tonks finally decided to speak, "How did it end?"

The frown on Harry's face was unmistakable, "Better than expected."

Neither of them wasted time with lies like, "I'm sorry" or "I wish it didn't have to end like that." Those kinds of platitudes only ever comforted the naïve. The two continued to edge of the wards in silence and disappeared the moment they crossed the threshold.


	2. Draco Malfoy: Pride of Gryffindor

Summery: Draco's fate is altered by a careless remark.

**Draco Malfoy: Pride of Gryffindor**

"Draco Malfoy." Draco smirked to his friends Crabbe and Goyle as he walked towards the stool and the Sorting Hat. They'd already been sorted into Slytherin and were eagerly awaiting him at the table. Unlike most of the other students, he'd known what to expect as his father had told him long before now. He felt rather confident about the whole affair also, it was like his father said; "The Malfoys are the most cunning Wizards in the world, we define Slytherin."

He sat down and the professor placed the hat over his head. It dropped down over his eyes and he heard a whisper in his ear, "Hmm, interesting."

He sighed and muttered, "What is taking so long?"

The voice chuckled in his ear, "Well, normally I'd sort a Malfoy into Slytherin without a second thought, but since you're in such a hurry, perhaps I'll take my time."

He suppressed a growl, "Now listen here, I am a Malfoy and we're born Slytherins so just do your job and sort me into Slytherin. I demand-"

The voice laughed again, "Awfully brave to make demands of me when I hold the key to the next seven years of your life. Very brave indeed and such bravery should be rewarded, so it must be GRYFFINDOR!"

Draco's heart stopped and he heard a gasp come from the outside world. The hat was pulled off and he looked out to the stunned faces of Crabbe and Goyle then away from them to see that the students at the Gryffindor table had similar expressions on their faces. He couldn't believe that he'd been sorted into Gryffindor. He was a Slytherin! Any second the hat would speak up and say to the assembled school that there was a mistake and it had been joking. He couldn't be a Gryffindor; they were idiots with a need for attention…

The professor spoke into his ear, "Mr. Malfoy, please take a seat with your house."

His house? His HOUSE? His house was Slytherin! How could she even suggest this? "But-"

"Mr. Malfoy, please take your seat." Her tone was as stern as her face and he felt compelled to take a seat, even if it was with the Gryffindors. He slumped off the stool, sulked over to the Gryffindor table and sat at the very end seat, away from everyone else. There were four other first-year students at the table already. That fat-ass Longbottom with his toad, another boy named Finnigan and two girls whose names he couldn't recall. He looked a little further down the table and saw three red-headed boys looking at him with shocked expressions. They were clearly Weasleys. He slumped and pouted at the thought of telling his father his only son was now a housemate with Weasleys.

He barely noticed when a dark-skinned girl sat down at the table. But he looked to the front when he heard that professor call out, "Harry Potter."

A tense silence seemed to fall over the Great Hall. Every student craned their necks to catch sight of the Boy Who Lived. Draco had already met him on the train and was wondering which house he'd end up in himself. The dark haired boy climbed onto the stool and the professor placed the hat on his head. It dropped down over Harry's head and the tense silence seemed to grow even more so as the Hat seemed to be taking even longer with Potter than it did with him.

After what seemed to Draco (and likely every other student) to be an eternity the Hat suddenly spoke, "Right then, GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor table erupted into applause which resolved into a chant of "Go-go Gryffindor!" As the dark-haired boy climbed off the stool and smiled as he past the remaining Weasley on his way to the table. Draco watched as the other tables murmured disappointedly, he frowned as Potter took a seat near Longbottom next to a first-year girl with a bushy head of brown hair and prominent front teeth.

The remainder of the firsties were sorted and only two more of them became Gryffindors; a dark-skinned boy named Dean and, of course, the Weasley, Ron.

As Dumbledore droned on about the Forbidden Forest and the Third Floor, Draco's attention turned to Crabbe and Goyle and he felt his blood boil. It seemed that his friends were sucking up to Blaise Zabini. "That was fast." He should have known those two wouldn't wait to find someone to tell them what to do.

When he looked back to Dumbledore he found the Headmaster sitting down and at that moment piles of food appeared on every table. He chanced another glance to the Slytherin table and this time Goyle caught sight of him, he then nudged Zabini, who smirked, made a remark Draco couldn't hear and the trio laughed at him before filling their plates. It was a morose boy that began to fill his plate and kept to himself as he ate.

Far too soon for Draco's liking, the feast was over and the Prefects were instructed to lead the students to their Common Rooms. He scowled as it was the eldest of the Weasley brothers that took the lead. As they started out of the Great Hall he felt someone bump into him from behind and he scowled angrily when he turned to find it was Crabbe that had bumped into him. An older Slytherin boy scowled at him, "Watch where you're going Gryffindor!"

Draco's scowl further marred his features as he turned back around to follow the Weasley-led group of students. They were led up several floors from the Great Hall until they arrived at a portrait of a fat woman. The elder Weasley spoke the password and they were led inside and through the Common Room. He noted with annoyance that nearly every piece of furniture was maroon as well as the curtains.

The girls and boys separated and he was led up the staircase then entered their dorm. One of the six beds had his trunk sitting at the foot, his wand and personal items were sitting on the desk nearby and his pajamas were set out on the bed. His Gryffindor Robes mocked him from their position, neatly folded on his bed next to his pajamas.

By the time he'd changed and got into bed only one thing came to mind, it was going to be a cold day in Hell before he accepted being anything but a Slytherin, he would have to write his father as soon as possible.


	3. Harry Potter and the Ambulance Chaser

**Harry Potter and the Ambulance Chaser**

Summery: What if Harry had met Hermione and Susan Bones on the Platform before First Year and Susan had been sorted into Gryffindor?

Hermione Granger felt an elbow nudge her and she looked up from reviewing Susan Bones' Runes essay to see why her roommate thought it necessary to bother her. Her fellow fourth year Gryffindor smiled widely and said, "Hermione, look!"

The redhead then pointed towards the entrance to the Great Hall, their best friend had just sauntered into the Great Hall with a smirk on his face. Hermione felt an answering smile twitch onto her face as she saw Harry outside of the library or class for the first time in two weeks.

For the fourth consecutive year, all hell had broken loose for Harry Potter two weeks ago when his name had been the fourth name to be expelled from the Goblet of Fire, entering him into the Tri-Wizard tournament against his will.

Now, to say Hermione and Susan weren't concerned would be a misstatement so profound as to be comical. Susan Bones and Hermione Granger's friendship had been built on a foundation of worrying for Harry Potter's well-being and safety. Thinking about Harry consumed a large part of both girls' time.

Hermione would never admit it, but she wasn't always thinking about whatever danger Harry had been sucked into at any moment, many times (especially this last year or so) she was thinking rather amorous thoughts about her raven haired friend.

Not that it was all that often.

Or that she wrote down some of the more "satisfying" thoughts in her diary, which was thrice-warded for privacy.

Not that she **_had_** a diary, it was a journal. A scientific **_journal_**

For that matter, the fifteen year old witch wouldn't admit to writing in the same manner about her red-headed friend and her rather buxom figure.

And as for her detailed description about a fantasy of herself as Head Girl catching Harry and Susan in a passionate embrace in one of Hogwarts' many broom closets and giving the pair a most unusual 'punishment…" Well, she'd never in a million years admit to that.

Hermione shook off thoughts of the Gryffindor Head Girl's Dormitory and knickers-down spankings of red-heads in favor of more pressing concerns.

Harry practically strutted across the Great Hall, grinning widely at everyone he passed, earning him some confused looks from all and sundry.

Draco Malfoy stood up from the Slytherin table and called out, "What has you so happy, Potty? Did your little Mudblood or her chubby friend give you a 'hand' this morning?"

Hermione sent a blistering scowl in the pale pureblood's direction. It was matched by an equally venomous glare from Susan as Harry merely looked Draco over with a smirk and said, "Even I'm shocked Draco. Here I thought you'd show more respect…" He gave the blond-headed boy a wicked grin, "Oh wait, you don't know yet. Never mind!"

Hermione and Susan were perplexed as their friend completed his trek to their section of the Gryffindor table and sat down across from them, "Lovely day, isn't it ladies?"

Quirking a sculpted eyebrow, the brunette made a show of looking at the enchanted ceiling revealing the pouring rain outside. Hermione then said, "Not especially."

Harry smiled and Hermione felt a flutter in the pit of her stomach as her cheeks burned, out of the corner of her eye she noticed a similar flush in Susan's cheeks. Harry Potter's smile was a dangerous weapon after all. The young wizard then drawled, "Trust me, today is going to be glorious." He then turned to Susan, "Susan, make sure to tell your aunt I said thank you the next time you write." Before either girl could ask, Harry merely winked and said, "You'll see, this will be brilliant!"

As though waiting for a cue from Harry, the morning post owls began to wing in, dropping letters and packages off to their destinations along with copies of the Daily Prophet. A rather self-important looking owl landed in front of Hermione and looked down his beak at her before extending his leg to present a letter. She took the letter and the bird took off again. She looked the envelope over to find it was some sort of official letter from the Ministry, in specific; "The Department of Magical Law Enforcement."

She cracked the wax and pulled the parchment from within while she notice two similar owls had landed in front of Susan and Ronald Weasley a little further down the table. She opened the letter and began to read;

"_Miss Granger,_

_Your presence is required at your earliest convenience at the Ministry to provide preliminary testimony to an investigation panel regarding the events that occurred on June Ninth of this year outside the __village__ of __Hogsmeade__. _

_For your information, you may be required to testify under veritaserum or provide memories for a pensieve. Unless your testimony is proven to be false, you are not facing charges of any kind but you may have a parent or guardian present as well as an attorney if you wish._

_Please reply to this letter within twenty-four hours to schedule a meeting with our investigators._

_Sincerely, _

_--Amelia Bones_

_Department of Magical Law Enforcement_"

She turned to Susan just as Ronald said to Harry, "Is this about Sirius Black, Harry?"

The young wizard's smug expression only became more pronounced. "You haven't seen anything yet." He then scooped a rather generous portion onto his plate and dug into breakfast.

Draco Malfoy jumped up suddenly and yelled, "What's the meaning of this, Scarhead!"

Before Harry could do more then laugh riotously, the doors of the Great Hall came open and two wizards dressed in fine robes entered. If Hermione could have picked a single word to describe them, it would have been "slick." They reminded her very much of lawyers, the kind that took a lot of dubious "slip and fall" cases.

They marched confidently under the stares of the student body up the center aisle. As they passed her and Susan, Hermione noticed one make eye contact with Harry and wink. She turned stunned eyes back on her friend and he grinned, "Wait for it."

They stopped in front of the Head Table directly in front of Dumbledore who regarded them with a curious eye, "May I help you, gentlemen?"

The taller of the two strangers stepped forward and held out his hand, "Good Morning Professor, my name is Douglas Brackman Jr." He then gestured to his colleague, "This is my associate, Mr. Becker. We represent the new Lord of the Black Family, and it his wish to serve you with several notices."

The Headmaster's curious expression became a frown, "I was unaware that there was a new Lord Black."

Mr. Brackman smiled and Hermione's skin practically crawled at the shark-like nature of the expression. "Oh yes, Mr. Dumbledore. It became official a few days ago, very quietly. You see the previous Lord Black needed some help handling some pressing legal matters and the best way to accomplish this was with the sponsorship of the Lord of two Ancient Families. Thanks to a law written by Madams Bones and Longbottom, he was able to quietly renounce his title to his legal heir…" Hermione watched as Dumbledore and Snape's eyes both snapped in Harry's direction as he happily took a bite of his eggs. He was seemingly unaware, but nearly turning purple with the effort of restraining his mirth.

Mr. Becker presented Dumbledore with a large folder, "Thanks to some fortunate legal errors on that person's file that came to light when the former Lord Black surrendered his title we were able to activate the new Lord Black's parents' will. As of six pm last night he was emancipated and placed in charge of his Estate."

Turning incredibly pale, Dumbledore stood and turned to Harry. "Harry, would you and these gentlemen please join me in my office?"

With a chuckle, Harry replied. "I'm afraid that Mr. Brackman has instructed me to keep this discussion public considering some skills you and Professor Snape have that are not a matter of public record."

"Yet." Mr. Brackman finished for Harry with a silky tone that made most of the Hall shiver. "The new Lord Black has demanded Sirius Black's long overdue trial and Mr. Potter is our star witness. I'd hate for him to _forget_ any details." He handed Snape a large folder, and a matching one to Dumbledore, "The first notice is a Class Action lawsuit against Professor Snape and a demand for his immediate termination."

Mr. Becker spoke, "Mr. Snape's biased and negligent teaching practices have prevented almost one hundred and fifty students with otherwise outstanding test scores from pursuing their chosen career paths. We've also found sixteen confirmed cases of potions-related ailments that can be directly traced to the action of Mr. Snape's shoddy teaching and his inability to control the students of his own house."

Snape started to pull his wand but the old Warlock shook his head, "I'm afraid I cannot and will not terminate _Professor_ Snape. He has my trust-"

Mr. Becker cut his words off sharply, "With Respect, sir. Tell that to the Magistrate. Next we have this," he handed over a roll of parchment, "A cease and desist order from the DMLE for the Tri-Wizard Tournament."

From around the Hall several voices rang out in protest before Dumbledore could say, "Mr. Becker. This is most unusual; you run the risk of causing an international incident."

Mr. Becker gave the other wizard a smile that rivaled his associate's, "With respect, sir. You did that when you ordered the continuation of this farce of a tournament. You have a student who does not meet the age requirement participating against his will under the guise of a non-existent fourth school when it was well within the rights of the three headmasters to call Potter's participation void and keep him out of harm's way.

"Add to that, an extremely valuable magical artifact was tampered with and you did not inform the DMLE…" He trailed off with a dark chuckle, "Frankly sir, I don't like your chances of coming out of the next few weeks with more than a sickle to your name. For that matter, I would worry about your position as Headmaster of this school. I'd suggest hiring an attorney but the only one I'd recommend for your predicament would be Mr. Brackman or I, if you'll forgive the boasting."

As most of the Great Hall watched the stand off between the Headmaster and the representation of the Lord Black, only Hermione and Susan noticed Draco stomp over from the Slytherin table. Though calling it "stomping" would be generous, he flounced really and rather dramatically at that.

She heard her friend chortle into her hand then whispered, "Maybe Harry was right, Hermione." Susan referred to a conversation they'd had with Harry on the Express at the start of the year where Harry had theorized that Draco had been born a girl and that since the Malfoys were tight with Severus Snape…

Hermione couldn't help herself she choked on her pumpkin juice and began to laugh as Susan continued, "I mean it'd certainly explain why he prances about like that." In response, Hermione graduated from laughing to outright cackling and the redhead joined her friend.

Save for a shiver, Draco was oblivious to the riotous witches as he looked death Harry Potter. "Look at me when I'm speaking, Potter!"

Harry spun away from the table and almost lazily rose to his feet, then looked at Malfoy as though the blonde hadn't been shrieking in Harry's ear. "Draco, my boy, I would suggest you adopt a more appropriate tone for speaking to your betters. It suggests bad breeding," He leaned forward and stage-whispered to the ladies, "Paternally speaking of course."

As the pale wizard turned purple in outrage, Mr. Becker spoke, "This brings us to the next order of Black Family business. It seems that the Malfoy family never paid the agreed-upon bride price for the hand of Narcissa Black. At the time, it was overlooked because of the friendship between the two Houses. However, the new Lord Black has ended this alliance and invoked penalties."

Draco squawked while Dumbledore frowned, "I'm afraid I don't-"

Mr. Brackman smiled, "Forgive me Professor. How this affect you is the change of information for a particular student. The penalty imposed upon by Lord Black was thus; the destruction of the contract and dissolution of the Marriage bonds. As a result, the son produced from that marriage, one Draco Malfoy has been declared a bastard son of the Black Family-"

Brackman was forced to pause when the entire of the Slytherin and Gryffindor tables gasped, save Ronald Weasley, who fell from his seat laughing and Harry who smirked at his longtime tormentor.

Mr. Becker turned to Draco with a wicked grin and said, "You will be happy to know that your mother has agreed to accept her first fiancé's offer of marriage, it seems he was only too happy to take her back. Lord Black graciously blessed their proposal last night and even offered to rush your adoption. In ten days, your mother will be remarried and you'll be Draco Lupin."

Draco fainted dead away while Ron did all he could to comfort the Slytherin in a very unorthodox fashion; he pissed himself in renewed laughter.

At the Head Table, reaction ran the full spectrum; from Flitwick's quiet mirth and McGonagall's restrained grin to Snape's look of nausea. Dumbledore merely sighed, "Might there be any more business?"

Mr. Brackman smiled then, not surprisingly, turned to Harry and asked; "Is that all, Lord Black?"

Harry was barely restraining his laughter as he replied, "No I think that'll be all."

As Harry sat back down, his lawyers left the Hall the way they came while Snape swept out a side door behind the staff table, presumably to find his own representation. Dumbledore merely looked at the back of Harry's head sadly for several moments before leaving himself.

Harry happily finished his breakfast before he turned his attention back on Susan and Hermione. Susan beckoned him forward conspiratorially then whispered, "Say Harry, did you know that Hermione writes all sorts of naughty things in her diary?" Hermione went completely pale while her soon-to-be-dead roommate smirked and reached across the table to interlace her fingers with Harry's. "Wanna go find a quiet corner for the three of us to act them out?"

The bookish brunette nearly joined Malfoy in unconsciousness as she stared slack-jawed at the redhead. Harry's face blossomed into a wicked grin of his own, "See, I told you. Today's going to be fantastic."

Hermione's shock was followed immediately by her face turning scarlet as she noticed a certain redhead's free hand on her thigh, she did her best not to club both her and Harry over the head and drag them off to her bed like a cavewoman. She did manage to squeak out a word after a moment though, "How?"

"'How' did I know?" At her nod, Susan continued, "I didn't I just took an educated guess. You talk in your sleep Hermione." Harry nodded an affirmation; she'd napped once or twice on the Express. It stood to reason that both of them would know. She nodded rather dazedly.

Susan then stood and a moment later Harry and Hermione and the redhead led them off to very secluded classroom on the fifth floor. When they finally staggered out of the room just before dinner, Harry had two rather noticeable hickeys on his throat, Susan's jumper was inside out and Hermione had pages worth of new "Journal notes" and yet another reason to push herself to become Head Girl.


	4. Rise and Redemption

**The Rise of the House of Potter, The Redemption of the House of Black**

_Summery: One person's change of allegiance has drastic and lasting changes on the Order of the __Phoenix__ and the Boy Who Lived. _

Bellatrix stood in the corner of the sitting room of Dumbledore's home watching as the Order gathered together for the first time in over a year and a half, since the first week of November barely a week after Frank Longbottom and Lily Potter had lost their lives to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

That night saw considerable deaths; James, Sirius and Kingsley Shacklebolt led a team of Aurors to storm Malfoy Manor and killed Lucius Malfoy himself when he refused to surrender to them. Frank lost his life to MacNair and Nott while he bought time for Alice to escape with their young son Neville, Bellatrix and Remus had shown up on the scene and managed to subdue the Death Eaters and take them in. But the most shocking death had been Lily's, she sacrificed her life to protect her son Harry when Voldemort himself came for the Potter family.

She still remembered when she and Remus apparated into this very room that night to find James weeping on the couch while her sister, Andromeda rocked a distraught Harry and Sirius sat in front of him equally miserable. Her husband knew instantly what had happened and crossed the room to sit at his side his only words were, "Prongs… Merlin Prongs, I'm so sorry."

That night, while all of Wizarding-Britain celebrated, she watched her husband and cousin's closest friend fall apart at the loss of his wife.

They eventually took James and young Harry to Sirius' house not long after midnight and it was almost three o'clock that morning when the knock came. She pulled her wand and approached the door cautiously and found her younger sister and her own son at the door begging for Sirius to take her in. By morning, the Malfoy estate would be confiscated by the Ministry and she and Draco would find no refuge with Lucius' Death Eater cohorts so she had little choice but to come to her cousin.

Before that night, neither Bellatrix nor Andromeda had spoken with their sister since Andromeda had agreed to marry Ted Tonks and she had eloped with Remus Lupin the night before her marriage contract with Rodolphus LeStrange was to be finalized.

The scandal in the Black family had rocked the pure-blooded community. Sirius, the next Patriarch of the family had been disowned by his mother, her oldest sister married a muggle-borne wizard and she had "shamed" her family by marrying a half-blooded werewolf just a month later.

Unfortunately, Narcissa got caught in the cross-fire, the night Bellatrix and Andromeda were officially thrown out of the family by Sirius' mother they forced Narcissa into marrying Lucius on the spot. She wasn't particularly fond of Malfoy and had blamed her sisters for her plight.

Through Remus, Bella had joined the Order not long after she began her second year of Auror training and quickly rose through the ranks as Alastor Moody took her under his wing which is how she came to be guarding the Longbottoms with Remus and not with "Padfoot and Prongs" That Night, as James came to call it.

She sighed and turned towards her husband with a questioning glance, "Where are the two buffoons?"

Remus gave her a grin and she couldn't help but melt at the werewolf's charm just as she had back in her sixth year when she'd been introduced to him. She'd been doing her younger sister a favor, tagging along with Remus while Narcissa and James were on their Valentine's date to Madam Puddifoot's. "My dear, you know that I've never been able to keep track of James and Sirius."

She smirked, "Well, perhaps you should put them on leashes." She leaned in and whispered, "Though, I suppose that it could get caught up on Prongs' antlers."

She pulled back with a pink in her cheeks as Remus brought the whole of the Order's attention on them with a howling laugh that sounded like a baying wolf. Andromeda stepped over to them with a grin and Remus greeted her, "Andi, how's little Nymphadora?"

The woman smiled at the mention of her daughter, "She's good Moony, we're going to take her to Ireland to visit Ted's parents after classes let out for the summer, they want to celebrate her fourth birthday early since his father will be starting fall semester by then. Ted's dropping her off with Cissy Harry and Draco right now." Bellatrix smirked slightly, Draco would be turning three in a few weeks and both he and Harry had taken a shining to Nymphadora, she'd often be found playing with the boys when Andi or Ted had to leave her with James and Narcissa. "I'm sure she'll be happy to help our dear sister plan for the wedding."

Remus rolled his eyes, "I doubt your sister has left anything unplanned with just two months to go, after all didn't the Prophet call this 'the biggest wedding in a century?'"

Bellatrix gave her husband a look that husbands around the world would recognize as not quite "shut up" but close enough for use in public. Andromeda and Bellatrix knew how worried and nervous their sister had become after the article in the Prophet about her upcoming marriage to James and both sisters had taken it upon themselves to protect the youngest Black daughter from any additional stress. "Narcissa is under enough stress marrying a Marauder, she does not need any more Remus."

Her husband gave her a wounded look and kicked his toe into the carpet, "I didn't know marrying me was such a hardship."

She rolled her eyes at her smiling sister and gave him a placating pat on the head, "Then you just aren't paying attention, Love." She turned to her sister, "This is why I'm afraid of having children dear sister. Remus, Sirius and James are like a trio of toddlers."

As though speaking their names called them forth, an obnoxiously loud crack sounded from the parlor and the doors burst open to admit a pair of vibrant looking dark haired young men. Sirius Black was tall and broad shouldered with short black hair and grey eyes. His looks were that of a man who came from an aristocratic family and he carried himself like a man who had the world by the tail.

James Potter was only a step behind him, he was a little leaner than his friend, the look of a Quidditch player. His dark hair could be described as unkempt at best, problematic at worst as it seemed to fly in all directions especially in back. His hazel eyes were dulled only slightly by the glasses he wore. He too carried himself confidently and his grin often lit up the room, like it was doing now.

It seemed her cousin and soon-to-be Brother-in-law were in the midst of bantering as they entered the room. "Calm down Padfoot, I wasn't saying anything bad about Hestia. She's a lovely woman, and a joy to be around. I'm only saying that you started dating her because she finds your lousy humor funny."

Sirius turned to his friend with a scowl, "How dare you Prongs? How little you must think of me." He then grinned and continued, "'Lousy humor.' I'll have you know I have a charming wit."

Not surprisingly, from the darkest corner of the room came a sneering reply, "I believe the best thing about the Dark Lord's defeat must have been the lack of Order Meetings, I haven't had to endure your melodramatics in almost a year."

Bellatrix scowled at the young man in the corner, Severus Snape looked much like some sort of vampire with his billowing black robes, pale skin and dark hair hanging over his face. His hooked nose was turned up in a sneer that he'd perfected over his time at Hogwarts. He was a close friend of Lucius' and was also Draco's Godfather but he'd had little contact with her nephew since Narcissa had gone to Sirius the night Lucius had died.

Sirius and James' happy expressions turned cruel as they turned to their long time rival, James was the first to speak. "Well, well, what a distasteful surprise. Snivellus is here and looking cheerful as ever."

Taking his cue, Sirius remarked. "By 'cheerful' you must mean, 'slimy' eh Prongs?"

Snape stepped out of the corner, wand in hand. "I would mind my tongue, it may rot out. Then again, I think I'd take as much joy in cutting it out by hand." He raised his wand to point at the two men.

James was completely unfazed by the threat as he said, "How's your left arm Snivellus, still a little _Marked_ up?" With a gesture of his right hand, James' wand snapped into his grip and was instantly trained on Snape. "I mean, as an Auror it is my job to keep an eye out for Death Eaters, I suppose one more arrest is in order. I only ask that you struggle." Several Order members became restless while both Kingsley Shacklebolt and Moody stepped between them.

A voice from the stairs stilled the room, "Gentlemen. That will be enough." Albus Dumbledore descended the steps with slowly. He was dressed in long green robes with orange stars all over, the effect was mildly nauseating and eccentric, much like most of Albus' robes. He looked from James to Severus to Sirius and back again with a disapproving face, "Please, put your wands away. We are all friends here."

The Potions Teacher gave James and Sirius one last withering look before he said, "Of course Headmaster." With a flourish, Snape slid his wand up his sleeve and returned to the corner he'd been occupying.

James let his wand return to its holster and nodded to Dumbledore before leading Sirius over to Bellatrix and Remus. Sirius muttered, "Swishing about like that and _we're_ melodramatic?"

Everyone turned their attention to Dumbledore as he stood in front of his mantel. "My friends, it has been over a year since we have gathered. It pleases me that none of our number have been lost since we last met." He turned to Kingsley, "It pleases me even more that some of our numbers have grown, congratulations on you engagement Kingsley." The dark-skinned auror smiled from his seat and nodded.

The smile fled the old wizard's face, "Sadly, what I have gathered you here for, while related, is less pleasant business. I am sure most of you have been keeping up with the Daily Prophet's coverage of James Potter's pending nuptials to Narcissa Black-Malfoy." Bellatrix raised a curious eyebrow and turned to see similar expressions on most of the Order's faces as a murmur ran through the assembled crowd.

She started to turn back to Dumbledore but paused as she watched James' eyes narrow and his jaw tighten and she knew then that the next words out of Dumbledore's mouth could bring chaos down on their heads. "James, I must ask that you cancel your upcoming wedding, I simply cannot agree to you marrying the widow of Voldemort's Chief Lieutenant-"

James' voice brought Dumbledore to a halt and the eyes of everyone in the room turned and locked on the Head of the Ancient House of Potter, "_Presumed_ Chief Lieutenant, Albus."

Dumbledore eyed him with a raised brow, "Pardon?"

James stepped forward while Bellatrix noticed Sirius and Remus take flanking positions to their friend and each subtly slid their wands from their holsters, Bella followed her husband's lead as her training was screaming that a fight was coming. James scowled at Snape, "I said, 'presumed.' Most of us in the DMLE believe that your prancing wraith of a Potions' Professor was Voldemort's right hand man.

"Tell me Albus, has that snake been whispering in your ear? Telling you that Narcissa was an unmarked Deez? Perhaps, he said that Narcissa is making a grab for power now that every member of the Inner Circle is either dead or in Azkaban?" He smirked at Snape, "Present company excluded of course, Snivellus."

The Headmaster scowled at the young Auror and spoke sagely, "James, Severus' loyalties have never been in question."

Bellatrix stepped forward and put a restraining hand on James arm as he snarled at Dumbledore's condescending tone. However, she could not do the same to Sirius, "That's a load of rubbish, the only person in this room who has 'never questioned' that Death Eater's loyalty has been you."

She would later recall this moment as the turning point of the conversation because a quite visible split formed in the room. Molly Weasley jumped to her feet angrily, "How dare you speak to the greatest wizard in a century with such disrespect, Sirius!"

Padfoot scowled at the auburn haired woman while Moody scowled at Snape then Dumbledore, "He's right Albus, I've warned you about listening to Snape, he's a Death Eater and not to be trusted." Many of the Aurors in the room began to move towards James' side of the room. Kingsley was first among them, he'd been James' partner in the field and he trusted his partner with his life. Alice Longbottom followed only a moment later, for the first time since the death of Frank Bellatrix noticed the fire in the younger woman's eyes.

Meanwhile, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle and Elphias Doge all stood up and moved away from the expanding group of Aurors and friends of Potter and the Blacks. Aberforth also rose to stand next to Arthur and Molly.

As sides were being drawn within the Order, many of the members like McGonagall watched in outrage or like Hagrid and Edgar Bones with very clearly divided loyalties amongst the factions. Others like Dung Fletcher and Fenwick had no care to join either side of the argument.

In the midst of the arguments raging through the room, Dumbledore's stare-down with James had not broken and the younger of the two's wand hand was twitching with anger. When he finally spoke again, the intensity of his voice brought all other arguments to an abrupt halt, "So, Albus. I ask again, is that Death Eater trying to spit poison about my intended in your ear?"

Snape's smirk widened as he stepped out of the corner but came to a halt at the sight of Remus' wand pointed at him, the tip glowing with his first spell already. Dumbledore ignored this, "James, what other reason would she have to suddenly enter into a marriage with you? She retained the Malfoy fortune, and I imagine she would still hold sway with Voldemort's allies."

The black haired man's eyes narrowed at his friend and mentor, "I'll ignore your ridiculous question about her motives. She is merely the major domo of the Estate until Draco comes of age, while he is currently a ward of Sirius until after the wedding when I make him a ward of my house he is still the next head of that House. As for Lucius and Snivellus' fellow Deez friends, I can assure you Narcissa hasn't spoken to any of them, unlike your 'trusted' ally. Narcissa has spent far more time in the company of members of the Order in the last year than Snape, most notably her _sisters_, meanwhile Snape is running in the same circles he did before he became your 'spy.' As for forbidding me to marry, you don't have that right."

The older wizard nodded as he conceded that point, "You are correct about that, James. But I am afraid that if you go through with the wedding you become a risk to the Order's security and I will have to ask that you take an oath of loyalty to me."

The room immediately went into a full-fledged uproar as nearly every member of the Order voiced protests but it was James who brought a chilly calm over the room when he laughed. A harsh barking laugh, more fitting of Sirius than himself, when silence reigned again he said, "How like Tom you've become Albus. It'll be a cold day in Hell before you get such an oath from me."

The old wizard shook his head sadly then said, "Then I must ask for your resignation, James."

He bit out one word through clenched teeth, "Gladly." He then stormed from the room, Sirius and Kingsley as well as Edgar Bones were right behind him with Moody following a moment later. Andromeda and Alice then followed.

After a moment of pained indecision, Hagrid finally said, "I'm sorry 'Eadmaster, I can't abide dis." The half-giant then left as well.

Bella was about to follow when she felt her husband's hand holding her in place Remus cast a scowl over the remaining people in the room and spit out, "You are all despicable." He then stormed out as well with her in tow. As they apparated away with an angry crack, she hoped she'd never see most of these people again in her life.


	5. The BoyWhoGaveFootRubs

**The Boy-Who-Gave-Foot-Rubs**

_Premise: Harry and Tonks have been dating for months and she's decided to clear the air._

Few people in Magical Europe did not at least know the name Harry Potter. From the age of fifteen months he'd been famous in one manner or another; as a diapered defeater of Voldemort a Tri-Wizard Champion and the young man who dealt final death to the same Lord Voldemort before he'd taken his NEWTs.

His fame as a defeater of the Dark Lord had faded over time only to be replaced by the fame he'd gained since graduating from Hogwarts; as the Head Coach of the Holyhead Harpies. The Harpies had just days ago won their first Championship in Twenty-five seasons and most of that had been because of Harry's skill as a coach and his star seeker, Cho Chang.

One thing Harry was not famous for was that he was a natural at rub downs. A fact that Nymphadora Tonks was extremely grateful for, because a foot rub from Harry Potter was about as close to undiluted bliss as you could get without stripping naked and allowing a veela to have her way with you… With Fleur out of town visiting her sister, this was what she'd have to settle for-

Her thought process was brought to a halt when Harry found a sweet spot with his thumb and she moaned in such intense pleasure she felt her hair change and she sank almost bonelessly into the bed. When she found enough energy to open her eyes, she managed to turn towards the bedside vanity and noticed her short violet spikes had become long and hung in soft curls of a happy shade of orange. Her face radiated contentment with her lazy smile and half-lidded eyes.

Harry's thumbs pressed into her arch and she moaned again happily. She finally managed to purr out the only question that formed in her bliss-filled brain, "Oh, Harry… Where have you been all my life?"

The amateur masseur simply grinned and said, "Oh, here and there." He then tweaked her baby toe playfully.

"Oi! Be nice to my feet…" She tried to muster up indignation but it just wasn't to convincing when she practically turned into a puddle when he abandoned her foot in favor of her calf.

He chuckled, "I think I've been exceedingly kind to your feet, Nymph."

She could barely open her eyes to look at him, "Where did you learn to do this?"

He shrugged, "Well, all the Quidditch helped my hand and finger strength and Hermione gave me a book on therapeutic massage while she and I were dating."

When he found and soothed away a knot in her calf she wasn't even aware of she actually squirmed a bit from the sudden warmth she felt spread over her. She let a moan roll off her tongue and managed to say, "Remind me to send her- Oh yes, that's lovely- a thank you card."

She barely noticed Harry's shake of the head, "You say that every time."

She arched up when he found another spot, for the next few minutes the only sound in the rooms were the witch's coos of pleasure and words of encouragement.

As Harry started in on her left foot he asked, "So, how was your day?"

She was humming tunelessly as her mind was occupied almost entirely of Harry's fingers, so it took her a few minutes to fire enough neurons to actually form a response. "Typical day… Patrols and paperwork…" She sighed as he concentrated on the arch of her foot, clearly trying to soothe her feet after a long patrol.

The room settled into a comfortable near-silence (Harry's chuckles at Tonks' cooing continued) as Harry eventually continued onto her left calf. After she was sufficiently rubbed down, she placed both feet in Harry's while she hummed in pleasure and cycled her hair through her "content" colors and styles.

The two of them (and the absent Fleur) had been dating seriously for a few weeks now and there had been a conversation she'd been putting off in that time.

The metamorph conversation.

She felt rather sobered as she sat up and decided to dive into the conversation, "Harry?"

He'd been leaning against the footboard, his eyes unfocused as he'd been running his hands over her shins absent-mindedly. "Yes?"

She sighed, "I think we should talk about our relationship."

He cocked an eyebrow, "Is this about our relationship, as in meeting your parents? Or is this a talk about our relationship as in 'I'd like you spank my bottom while I call you Daddy?'"

She chuckled, "The latter."

He put on an expression of shock and let out a mock-gasp, "I don't know what you and Fleur have been talking about but I'm not that kind of boy!"

She laughed and shook her head, "Prat! I was talking about my abilities, it's okay for us to talk about it. I won't bite your head off."

He shrugged, "I never thought about it to be honest. Quite frankly, I'm happy with the way things are. I mean, sleeping with two beautiful witches on a regular basis isn't exactly a hardship. Also, not to sound conceded but if I wanted to sleep with Gwenog Jones or Daphne Greengrass or someone else I think I could accomplish that without coming to you like some sort of pervert."

She actually smirked when she realized that Harry had never brought this up not because he didn't know how to approach her but because he was more than content with her…. And Fleur. She reached down and grasped his hand, ushering up the bed until he was lying next to her. She then slid down the bed to lie down on her side facing him. "It's not just that Harry, I could do other things besides impersonating another woman." She made her point by swelling her bust until she was straining against her shirt.

He smiled and propped his head up on his elbow while placing his other hand on her hip, "True." He frowned then, "Tonks? What are you trying to get at?"

She sighed and said, "Harry. I think you might be under the impression that I dislike my abilities. Sure that might have been true when I was still at Hogwarts, and I did hex Charlie Weasley when he asked me to grow the twins for him." He smirked and she felt warmth flushing her skin as his fingers toyed at the edges of her knickers. "However, when I graduated and started the Auror's Academy, my roommate taught me how much fun changing things up could be."

He gave her a perplexed look and asked, "I thought you roomed Hestia in the Academy?" She just smirked and his cheeks colored, "Well, that's just interesting."

She nodded, "The point is, it can fun for me too."

He looked her over and she slid across the bed to press against him, pleased when she could feel him digging into her hip. Harry gripped her hip harder and she purred at his touch and his gaze which was really starting to intensify. Finally he growled out, "First things first, keep the breasts…"

He then pushed her into the mattress and put his talented touch to other uses.


	6. Trusting Does Not Mean Naive

**Trusting Does Not Mean Naïve**

_Story: The Parkinson Family has abducted Harry from the Dursleys in the hopes of gaining his help against Voldemort… It goes badly._

Lord Malcolm Parkinson had finally completed his long tale and plea for help. He first profusely apologized for essentially breaking into Number Four and spiriting him from the Dursleys without his knowledge in the middle of the night.

Then, he'd explained to Harry that the Parkinson family's commitment to neutrality in the previous rise of You-Know-Who had left them with few allies in pureblooded society when Malfoy began to amass power after families like the Potters, Bones and Longbottoms were all but wiped out.

He told Harry how he and his wife Esmeralda had known Harry's parents and while not as closes as Sirius or the Longbottoms had cared a great deal for them.

How, when Pansy started Hogwarts they instructed her to get sorted into Slytherin, try to get into Draco Malfoy's good graces but otherwise keep a low profile. They even went so far as to hide her surprising beauty behind a glamour and mild use of notice-me-not charms just to protect her from Lucius' wrath.

Then he all but begged Harry's help in exchange for helping to train him in ways Dumbledore wouldn't and teaching him of his considerable role in Pureblood society offering enough of his family history along the way to tantalize him before the room finally fell silent.

Harry looked around the small breakfast nook. He look from Mr. to Mrs. Parkinson's calm expressions each had a hint of worry in their eyes. Harry then turned to the frankly stunning face of Pansy Parkinson; his brain had a hard time reconciling this pretty-face with the harpy in training that had hung onto Draco like a pilot fish.

The silence threatened to stretch out even further until Harry cleared his throat quietly and meekly asked for the tea. Mrs. Parkinson handed him the pot and he let the spout hover over his cup for just a moment before he moved.

Several things happened so fast and in such quick succession that the kitchen was plunged immediately into chaos. Harry swung the tea pot with all his might into the face of Esmeralda. She shrieked in agony as shards of pottery and scalding hot tea shredded her flesh and she tumbled from her chair, clutching her face and howling.

In the next half-second, Harry then surged to his feet, dumping the table into Malcolm; the man was still too stunned to even put together thoughts of action so he too was thrown to the floor.

Pansy had only really started to process what had happened and as she surged to her feet Harry took her throat in an iron grip, he then took a step back and pulled her in front of her as a human shield. He then took a fork that he'd palmed as he upturned the table and jabbed it hard against her throat.

Parkinson rose to his feet in a fury and started to level his wand. Harry then moved Pansy into the line of fire and yelled out, "Don't! Because I swear if you fire a spell at me two things will happen; first you'll hit this cow you call a daughter. Second, I'll jam this fork as hard as I can into her neck and attempt to tear it out as much as I can as I pull it out."

He ignored Pansy's whimper and continued on, "Do you take me for a fool? You kidnap me. You slur the only people who've ever treated me as anything other than a leper. Then you throw out my parents' names and my family history like party favors and you expect me to believe you? You expect me to believe this bitch here, who's called one of my only friends a Mudblood on numerous occasions, not to mention taunted the son of one of you 'purported' close friends too many times to count has only been doing it to avoid the wrath of Voldemort's sycophants?"

Parkinson growled, "Potter-"

Harry jerked Pansy causing her sob, "SHUT IT! Call one of your elves, and have that elf take me to aurors! NOW!" Harry's eyes narrowed as his face hardened, "Unless you want your wife to continue to writhe in pain while your only daughter bleeds out instead of you taking them to either your Master or St. Mungo's. I don't believe your sob story and I don't care to help you garner favor with Malfoy or Voldemort!"

There was a tense moment between the two before Parkinson called an elf and instructed it to take him to Ministry while he took his wife to St. Mungo's. The last thing Harry heard from the Parkinsons was them damning him.

He thought very little of it until a few months later when he heard that Voldemort had killed the Parkinsons when Malcolm refused the mark. After that, he thought about that day for the rest of his life.

_Post Note: I know it's a required premise for Harry to believe these grey families if for no other reason than to forward the story but I just don't see how this situation can't be considered the just as likely outcome of the situation._


	7. Curses and Blessing FootRubVerse

**Curses and Blessings **

_Story: Part of the Boy-Who-Gave-Footrubs 'Verse. Ever wonder why Harry Potter knows so many "understanding" women? Now's your chance to find out!_

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One of the reasons that the invention of writing has been so important is because the longer one studies a subject, the more they tend to know about said subject.

Prior to the written record, most people could only amass a certain amount of knowledge. Writing allows people to pass on their experience to those that follow. This not only allows us to learn faster but we can expand that knowledge and specialize.

This is especially true of magic, not just because of the strong connection between thought and magic but because of the exceptionally long lifespan of the average magical person.

Many families specialized in a certain type of magic, whether by genetic predisposition like for the Blacks and transfiguration (in the case of Sirius Black and Nym- Err, Tonks, self-transfiguration) or by long experience like the Longbottoms and combat magic.

In the manor houses of these and other purebloods you might find volumes stretching back to the formation of the family with information and theories that would be seen nowhere else. Information that is so precious and well-protected that the only way to gain the information is by birth or marriage. (As the Marauders learned over time, this doesn't mean a family member can't help you along every once in a while.)

Of course, this in depth and generational research into fields of magic led to another aspect of pureblood life, familial Blessings and Curses. As you might guess, blessings and curses are magics that are placed on a family line that effect all generations of that family.

These can be positive or negative and tend to reflect on some action done by a member of your family in the past. Ignatius Bones, for example, saved the life of Rowena Ravenclaw not long before the founding of Hogwarts, as a reward she blessed the family line with good fortune in Ignatius' chosen trade, farming. By the opening of the twentieth century, the Bones family had parlayed that fortune into vast wealth and land.

In some cases, a blessing might be undone by the actions of a descendant. In 1415, Wulfric Dumbledore saved the life of David Potter during the Battle of Agincourt. Potter was an officer of one of the Welsh armies under Henry V while Dumbledore had been under his command. During the battle Wulfric took a curse meant for Potter that eventually proved fatal.

As Wulfric lay dying, Potter invoked the life debt Dumbledore had earned to bless his family line. As long as the Dumbledore family was associated with the light and protected those who were innocent, their family would grow and prosper.

Centuries later when Percival Dumbledore attacked the three muggle boys that traumatized his daughter, Ariana he not only undid the blessing but invoked a penalty on his family that would soon leave their family shattered.

Like a blessing, curses can affect a family for generation, ravaging them sometimes to the point of wiping the family out. Sometimes just to the point of tremendous hardship.

Regulus Weasley was the young heir-apparent to the Weasley family lordship in the early seventeen hundreds. When he was fourteen he was caught in the fifth floor ladies' room with Helga Watkins, a twelve year old Hufflepuff and the betrothed to Scorpius Malfoy, the heir to Malfoy family. At the time, the two families had been close for seven generations. The scandal had shattered the alliance between the families and Scorpius' father that he cursed the Weasleys.

Until such time as the head of the Weasley family had a magical daughter, he would father children equal in number to his birth month times seven. The sheer number of Weasley children quickly bankrupted the family

By the time Arthur and Molly had broken the curse, the Lords of the Weasley family before Arthur had become exceptionally good at timing pregnancies so that births would occur in January or February and considering that Bill Weasley was born in November, it was a very good thing that Ginny had been born.

This discussion of family blessings brings us to the tale of Charlus Potter the first.

The youngest son of Godric Gryffindor, Charlus was every bit as adventurous and bold as his older brothers and father. The young wizard quickly rose to prominence in the early days of Hogwarts because of both his great magical ability and his charisma.

By the time he graduated, his father had retired to his home in Godric's Hollow and his older brothers had taken over the day-to-day affairs of running the family. Charlus decided to make his way across Europe in search of adventure and to carve out some success of his own.

His travels led him all over Europe and by the time he'd returned to the isles ten years later he had amassed a small fortune of his own. It was in a small village not far from Castle Hogwarts that would one day be known as Hogsmeade that Charlus had come across Wanda the Wicked.

Wanda was a witch who had grown powerful and bloodthirsty and she had been terrorizing the village for months. Charlus had built a reputation for fighting dark wizards and witches in his travels and offered to help the village. He made his way into the forest to find Wanda and find her he did…

Six days passed and while the village had been safe from Wanda, Charlus had not returned. Many feared he was dead and they had even sent an owl to Gryffindor to inform him of what had happened.

The morning of the seventh day was surprising for the villagers as a rather smug looking Charlus had returned with Wanda the Wicked in tow. Charlus announced that he had ended Wanda's budding reign of terror and had claimed her as his bride by right of conquest.

The newlyweds traveled to Godric's Hollow and when he'd heard of his youngest son's exploits he'd granted him the land of the village and some of the surrounding forest before naming Charlus the head of an independent family. Charlus took the name Potter to honor the intricate pottery made in Hogsmeade and settled there.

A century later, as Wanda Potter lay on her deathbed, she gathered her nine sons and daughters and told them of the blessing she bestowed on her husband the day he'd conquered her in more ways than one. She'd blessed Charlus and by extension, his family, with virility and skill that would be second to none.

She formalized the blessing, invoking her magic. So long as Charlus' descendants were associated with the light, they would receive the same blessing as Charlus. They would also be blessed with good fortune and health.

As the centuries passed, the Potters became prominent, wealthy and powerful politically and magically. In the twelfth century the Potters were granted a Lordship by the Crown, every business venture seemed to turn to gold, and time and time again, Potters found them leading the charge against the darkness in many forms. The Potters became known for two things; their unwavering belief in justice was the first.

The second wasn't as widely talked about but was just as well known modestly as, "The Potter Prowess."

Again and again, Potters were good looking, well endowed and possessed the knowledge and skill to put their attributes to use.

Charlus' grandson, Augustus, was so sought after by witches that he took a wife and two mistresses, at his wife's request. His eldest son, Joshua took five wives from his Hogwarts graduating class, prompting the fledgling British Ministry to be the first magical government to take steps to discourage taking more than one wife.

Joshua's sister, Kendra was so beautiful that the bidding war for her bride price nearly bankrupted the Abbott family.

Even the cadet lines benefited from Wanda's Blessing, which the descendants of Lawrence Potter would be grateful for when he was granted his own family in 1254. Lawrence even went so far as taking a name based on the family magic, Lovegood.

Harry's father was no stranger to the blessings of his family line. In third year, he found himself "kidnapped" by four seventh year Slytherin girls led by Narcissa Black over Christmas break. When James returned to Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus could hardly stand the smug grin that seemed to be permanently etched onto his face.

In fifth year, he dated all three of the Meadowes sisters simultaneously and probably would have considered dating several other witches had he not seriously set his eyes on Lily Evans at the end of that year. Once James began dating Lily his eyes never strayed but there were always persistent rumors that Emmeline Vance was a frequent visitor to the Gryffindor Head Suite in their seventh year. The rumors would come about again years later when the unmarried witch was absolutely inconsolable after that Halloween night.

As for Harry, many assumed that the Potter magic may have played a part in him surviving the curse from Voldemort. When Harry finally learned of the magic surrounding his family he often theorized that was the reason the fight with the Death Eaters at the end of fifth year ended up in the Chamber of the Veil and why he stumbled as he wildly charged Tom and shouldered the Dark Lord through the Veil before he stumbled and fell to his knees in front of it.

As for the Potter Prowess, he'd never really took advantage of it as his father had growing up, mostly because he never knew of it. He'd always assumed the hungry looks witches gave him while growing up was because of his fame and not because of what they might have overheard when their mothers, aunts and grandmothers cackled over one too many glasses of brandy.

That wasn't to say he would have if he'd have known, Harry's life with the Dursleys had left him painfully shy growing up. It was actually Hermione who learned of the Potter magic first when Susan Bones and Megan Jones cornered her early in their sixth year and explained the Potter history in some detail.

The young muggle-borne witch quickly put in some practical research with Harry and was most definitely pleased with the results, though she wasn't as pleased as Susan and Megan had hoped as she never made the offer the two witches would have thought implicit with such a revelation. However, the three witches did form a very close friendship that lasted long after their time in Hogwarts (despite the two Hufflepuffs cornering Harry in Fudge's office at a Ministry event six months after they graduated and Hermione had broken up with Harry to start classes at Oxford to rather spectacular results.)

Needless to say, the number one incentive for Harry Potter to remain faithful to the light was the same reason every Potter before him had; he was never at a loss for someone to help him warm his bed. Or his couch. Or his desk. Or the office at the Harpies' training facilities.

Or Tonks' office at the DMLE…

Or the stables at the Delacour home for that matter…

Or that one time in the family vault with both Fleur and Tonks…

Or that one time with Hermione in Snape's office in seventh year…

Not to mention that time he and Pansy had hid under his cloak in the middle of Ministry Atrium…

Or Cho's garden…

Or…


	8. The Importance of Being Early

**The Importance of Being Early**

_Premise: __Vernon__ Dursley dropped Harry off an hour earlier for his first ride to Hogwarts and meets a witch named Hermione Granger._

Harry struggled with his trunk as his Uncle Vernon scowled at him in his rearview mirror. When he managed to get the trunk that was nearly as big as he was onto the wheeled luggage rack and strapped down he took a slightly annoyed Hedwig and placed her on top of the trunk. His uncle called him over to the window, "Listen boy, I don't want you coming home over the Holidays, I don't care if you have to sleep on the platform here over Christmas, do you understand?"

"Yes Uncle Vernon." Without even a goodbye, Vernon pulled away and Harry actually felt some sense of relief. He pulled his trunk and owl along as he entered King's Cross Station. The place was bustling with activity and Harry was bumped into several times by people who seemed to be late for something important. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his ticket. It read; "Hogwarts Express; leaving 11am on September First, 1991. King's Cross Station, Platform 9¾." He looked up and found a clock that read a quarter of ten o'clock.

The young would-be wizard sighed and adjusted his worn glasses before continuing further into the station. He searched for a while until he found Platform Nine. He smiled and looked around and found Platform Ten. He frowned then, there didn't seem to be a Platform 9¾ anywhere.

He walked between Platforms Nine and Ten several times to make sure. He tried looking around for a sign or a note or some clue that this was where he was supposed to be. He looked for Hagrid, he looked for someone dressed in robes, he even looked for that unpleasant light-haired boy he met while getting his school robes.

By ten o'clock he began to feel his search was hopeless, he even wondered if it was some cruel joke of Hagrid's or a dream that had seemed so real he'd been confused. It was the moment that he began to give up on Hogwarts that he received the sign he needed, a dark-haired woman walked his way. The woman seemed like any other mother but it was her daughter that caught his attention.

She was about his height with hair the same color as her mother's, though the girl's hair was somewhat bushy. She was pulling a trunk behind her and carried a rather large book under her arm. Harry could make out a word on the book cover, "Hogwarts."

She had a book about Hogwarts! Harry wanted to leap into the air and whoop with joy. He wasn't dreaming, Hagrid wasn't playing a prank on him, he really was a Wizard. As they came closer, he could make out what the mother was saying. "It will be just like the teacher told us Hermione, we just walk straight at the pillar and we come out on the other side at Platform 9¾."

The girl, Hermione he assumed, looked at him with a guarded expression. She must have known he was eavesdropping. He blushed and looked away before screwing up as much courage as he could and approaching. "Pardon me, but I was hoping you could tell me…" He trailed off and blushed.

The girl noticed the Hogwarts' shield on his trunk and her eyes softened, "Mummy, I think he might be a student at my school."

The woman smiled, "I see." She looked around for a moment then frowned, "Where are your parents?"

He blushed again, "Well, they were… they d- They died when I was a baby and my Uncle dropped me off…" He looked up suddenly and gaped at Hermione's hand as it brushed his forearm. It was a strange moment for him, in his memory he'd never been touched gently before. He'd never felt comforted when someone touched him before that moment.

She smiled at him gently, "Are you alright?"

He returned her smile with an awkward one and nodded, "Thank you."

"My name is Hermione Granger. This is my mother."

The woman smiled and held out her hand, "Sharon Granger."

Harry took it and said, "Harry Potter."

Hermione's eyes widened, "Holy Cricket!"

He grimaced, "You know me, I take it."

Hermione's mother looked at her daughter, "What is it, dear?"

Hermione pulled her mother away and then spoke rather animatedly to her for a few moments. Finally, Sharon held up her hands and stopped Hermione, and they talked in a much more serious tone for a few more moments then walked back over to Harry, "Harry, are you meeting friends on the train?"

He looked down suddenly, "No ma'am. I was raised by Mug-" He trailed off when he couldn't recall the word Hagrid had called the Dursleys.

"Muggles." Hermione offered.

"Thank you."

Sharon kneeled down in front of him, "When Hermione received her letter, a teacher came to our house and explained to Hermione how to get to Diagon Alley and how to get to the platform, do you not know how?"

He looked at his feet for a moment but Mrs. Granger tilted his chin up. Finally he spoke in a shame-filled voice. "No ma'am."

Hermione spoke, "I'll show you then." She held out her hand to him as her mother took her cart. "Bring your cart, Harry." It was her tone that somehow snapped him out of his embarrassment and caused him to grasp her hand and follow her. She marched him straight at the pillar between platforms nine and ten and just as Harry was about to pull back they walked right through.

They came out on the other side in a very similar looking place to the rest of the station. She led him over to the red and black train that looked less like the commuter trains on the other platforms and more like the trains he'd seen in Dudley's old books. It seemed they were among the first to arrive as very few people milling about. Hermione and her mother found them a compartment and they gave each other a long hug before Mrs. Granger left.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, he didn't know about Hermione, but Harry couldn't think of a thing to say. He'd never had a friend to speak to, much less a girl friend. Hermione must have realized this, "Do you know which house you want to be in?"

He shook his head, "'Houses?'"

She frowned at him, "You don't know about the houses? Didn't someone tell you anything about the school?"

He shook his head, "No, Hagrid took me to Diagon Alley to get my things then dropped me back off with my Aunt and Uncle." Her frown deepened until he said, "Would you tell me?"

She smiled slightly, "Me?"

He nodded eagerly, "It's just that you seem so smart. You probably already know how to do spells and other things. I don't think I'll do very well, I never thought magic was real before Hagrid gave me my letter."

She stood up and sat down next to him, "Harry?" He looked up at her and she gave him a very gentle expression, "I don't know why you're so nervous but if it helps, I'll be your friend even if you can't do magic, I promise." She wrapped her arms around him and nearly crushed him in a hug before pulling away and smiling.

She stood up again and picked up the large book she'd carried the whole time and returned to sit next to him. She held the book out proudly and said, "This book is amazing Harry, it's called _'Hogwarts: A History.'_ It has everything you need to know about the school; the founders, the classes, what you can learn to do, what type of Wizards exist and what you experience during your time there."

She opened the book to a page near the beginning which had four crests on it. One was yellow with a Badger, the second was green with a Snake on it, the third was blue with a Crow on it and the final was red with a Lion. She pointed to each in turn, "The houses are; Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. They are each named after one of the school founders…"

Hermione went on to explain the houses in detail starting with the history of the school founders and what their theories on Wizardry were. She talked about some of the great wizards and witches who hailed from each house and the kind of traits each house prided themselves on. "Personally, I'd like to be in Ravenclaw. That house places emphasis on knowledge and learning. So what house would you want to be in?"

He shrugged; "I don't know, maybe Hufflepuff. The Ravenclaws are smart and I'm not very smart. Slytherins are cunning and I don't know what that means, to be honest. Gryffindors are brave and I'm not very brave."

Hermione put the book aside and squeezed his hand gently, "I think you'd be a great Gryffindor, Harry. You seem very brave to come to school on your own. I also think you'd do well in Ravenclaw if you tried. Hufflepuffs are very loyal and that's a good thing to be. As for the Slytherins, they don't seem like a very nice group to me anyway."

Harry blushed at Hermione's praise, it still seemed so strange to him to be told he'd do well in something other than being a disappointment. After a moment he looked at her and spoke. "Did your parents teach you any spells before coming to school?"

Hermione shook her head, "Oh no, my parents are Muggles."

Harry's eyes widened, "They are? Does that mean that you haven't learned magic all your life?" She shook her head and frowned at him, "That's great!" As her frown started to turn into a scowl, he amended, "I was afraid I'd be the only one."

After a moment, her face softened and she said. "Harry, Hogwarts allows pure-blooded witches and wizards, those of mixed heritage and Muggle-born witches and wizards like me. I'm sure that you won't be the only one who's never done a spell before."

The train lurched slightly beneath them and began to pull out of the station. As it was getting up to speed she smiled, "I could even teach you one, I've done some simple spells myself."

His eyes lit up with excitement, he knew that if he could do a spell then it would feel more real. Performing magic would prove finally that this wasn't a dream. "I would like that very much."

Hermione smiled and looked around the train car, finally her eyes settled on his face. "Do you have your wand?" He nodded and pulled it out of his coat. She then said, "May I see your glasses?" He pulled them off and watched as a blurry-Hermione placed his glasses on the seat between them. "Now close your eyes." He did as she asked and she continued, "I want you to think of your glasses, get a very clear picture of them in your head. Once you do I want you to imagine them being repaired; the scratches on the lens are gone, the bent frame is mended and the frame properly fits your face, the tape holding the pieces together is gone and the frame is mended. Can you see that clearly in your head?" He nodded, and she spoke. "Now open your eyes, point your wand at your glasses and say 'Oculus Raparo.'"

His eyes fluttered open, and he pointed his wand at his glasses before saying, "Oculus Raparo." Golden sparks came from his wand and wrapped around his glasses. Suddenly the bends in the frames corrected themselves, the tape flew off and disappeared revealing the frame to be mended and the scratches in his lens seemed to shrink away until they were no more. He picked them up and inspected them with a smile, they were as good as new and when he tried them on they fit perfectly. "I did it."

Hermione smiled at him, "You did."

He leaned forward and hugged her, "Thank you." He felt his cheeks burn when he realized what he'd done and when he pulled away he noticed her cheeks were pink as well.

She looked at him bashfully then said, "You're welcome Harry."

He felt a surge in him, he'd done magic and he wanted to know more. "Will you teach me more?"

She blushed a much deeper crimson then nodded; "Of course, would you like to learn about potions?"

He smiled, "Anything you'd like to teach, I want to learn."

She got up and rifled through her trunk, she pulled out a large book. He recognized it, _"Magical Drafts and Potions."_ She sat down next to him and opened the book to the first page. She began to explain the basics of potions and potion-making in the same thorough manner she'd walked him through _"Hogwarts: A History."_

He wasn't sure how much time had passed but as she was telling him about the uses of Abyssinian Shrivelfig there was a knock on their compartment door. They looked up to see a red-headed boy about their age, he was tall and somewhat awkward looking. His hands, feet and nose all seemed too big for the rest of his body. He had blue eyes and his face was covered in freckles. "Pardon, but have you seen a toad? Some kid named Neville lost his toad."

Harry shook his head and Hermione said, "Sorry, no."

The red-headed boy sighed, "Alright then." He looked at their book and raised an eyebrow at them, "Are you two studying?"

Harry noticed Hermione frown at the distaste this boy had put in the word 'Studying' and he said in a wary voice. "Yes, I guess."

The boy frowned, "Man, haven't even had a class yet and you're studying. You two must want to be in Ravenclaw."

Hermione scowled at him, "What is that-"

She was cut off by a slightly familiar voice, "So, it's true." Harry looked to the door to see the unpleasant looking light-haired boy from the robe shop smirking at them. He was flanked by two boys who reminded Harry an awful lot of Dudley, all three of them were dressed in their robes. "Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts."

He stepped into the compartment and looked around with a rather disgusted expression. He pointed to his friends, "This is Crabbe and Goyle." He came to a stop right in front of Harry, "And I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."

Hermione raised an eyebrow but they heard a snort come from behind Draco. He whipped around, "Think my name's funny, do you? I don't need to ask yours, red hair and hand-me-down clothes, you reek of Weasley!" He turned back to Harry after scowling at Hermione. "You'll soon find out that having the right friends is very important Potter. I can help you with that." He held out his hand.

Harry didn't like this boy, he seemed like the sort that would do well in Slytherin and that didn't seem like the kind of person he could be friends with. With a shake of his head he said, "I think I can make friends on my own."

Malfoy's eyes narrowed and he scowled, "You've just made a big mistake, Potter." He stormed out of the compartment with Crabbe and Goyle hot on his heels.

He looked at the other boy to see him staring at him in open-mouthed awe. Harry found himself growing rapidly annoyed with being "The Boy-Who-Lived." He cast that thought aside and held out his hand, "Harry Potter."

The other boy shook his head and reached out with a trembling hand, "R-Ron Weasley." After they shook hands, he said. "So it's true! Do you ha-have the-uh…" He pointed to his forehead and Harry sighed before pushing his hair back, revealing the lightning bolt scar on his brow.

Once he saw the scar, Ron's attitude changed drastically, he smiled and said. "Wicked!" Harry wasn't sure, but he thought that he saw Hermione roll her eyes. Ron stood up, "Well, I have to change into my robes, we're almost there."


	9. Surprising Pen Pals

**Surprising Pen Pals**

_Premise: What if Harry had actually looked into his parents' time at Hogwarts instead of being blindsided by it in Third Year?_

The strange owl startled Remus from his slumber as it landed on his bed. It was carrying a letter, he briefly wondered who'd be writing him before the owl hooted at him in an annoyed tone while she held out her leg. He smiled sleepily, "I'm sorry, where are my manners?" He reached over to his night stand and lifted his tea cup off the saucer before pouring some water from the glass he kept for when he awoke into it and offered the owl a drink. He took the letter from her and looked at his name written in a somewhat familiar scrawl. The letter smelled vaguely familiar as well.

The owl finished drinking and looked at him quizzically; she seemed much smarter than the average post owl. He wondered if she was waiting for his reply, "I don't have an owl of my own, are you waiting for me?" The bird just blinked and stood there, finally the werewolf turned back to the note. He tore the envelope open and pulled out a letter and a familiar picture of seventh year with Lily, James and his friends. He scowled slightly at the picture and set it aside before he read the letter:

_"Dear Mr. Lupin,_

_"Hello sir, I know we've never met but I was hoping to meet you. My name is Harry Potter; I am eleven years old and am a first-year Gryffindor at Hogwarts. My parents were James and Lily Potter; a friend did some research into them and found that you were his roommate when you went to Hogwarts._

_"This photo suggests that perhaps you were friends with either my father or mother as the brown-haired man in the picture has a Gryffindor's Prefect Badge and you were the Prefect of your year. If I am intruding in your life now sir, I am deeply sorry, but as you may be aware my parents died when I was an infant and I have no memories of them._

_"What were my parents like Mr. Lupin? Anything you'd be willing to share, I'd be grateful for. Were they smart? Funny? Did my mother love my father in school or afterwards? Was he very good at Quidditch? (I was just named seeker for our house team.)_

_"I hope to hear from you soon. I am staying at Hogwarts for the Holiday break in a few months time and I would greatly appreciate if you were to visit me. Truthfully, people like you, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and our games-keeper Hagrid are all I have left of them now._

_"I hope to hear from you soon._

_"Sincerely,_

_"Harry J. Potter"_

Remus noticed his hands were shaking as he finished the letter. He'd never expected Lil' Prongs to know about him, let alone write requesting a meeting. Dumbledore had told him many times that Harry was to have no contact with him until he was older for fear of confusing the boy, and like he'd done nearly all his life, he bowed to those wishes. Now it seemed that Harry had sought out his friendship.

The werewolf smiled as he set the letter aside. Harry had written him. He wanted to know his parents as something other then the heroes his Aunt and Uncle had surely told him they were.

He quickly rose from the bed and walked over to his shabby desk, picked up a piece of parchment and quill and set out to write a reply.


	10. Oh Crap FootRubVerse

**Oh Crap!  
**

**Footrub-verse**

_Premise: Harry Potter enjoyed nothing more than he did being a father, but sometimes it kinda sucks. Like explaining to your children why they have so many half-siblings and why being a Potter means more than just messy black hair or green eyes._

Seven chimes sounded through the Master Suite of Potter Manor and green eyes snapped open in the near-darkness. The Lord of House Potter, Harry, was awake.

Unlike his days at Hogwarts, there were no groggy moments of confusion. Nor did he groan and roll away from the offensive sound. He sat up and stretched, years of fatherhood had seen to it that he was able to wake up quickly.

Harry reached over a lump in the covers and claimed his glasses from the nightstand. The lump was identifiable only by the purple hair that peeked out as his wife and head trainer of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Nymphadora Potter. Once upon a time, she'd been known only by her maiden name, Tonks but today you might be able to call her Dora if she considered you a friend. If you worked for her at the DMLE, or had a last name of Weasley then you'd be better off referring to her as Madam Potter.

Though if you were Harry Potter, and even after years of marriage could still make her weep tears of orgasmic bliss you can probably get away with a bite on the shoulder and a "G'morning Nymph."

The hair peeking out from under the covers turned a mellow orange and from beneath the covers, she replied sleepily, "Morning." This mumbled reply was followed with steady breathing that told him she'd gone back to sleep.

He rolled over and found himself staring into the nearly-black eyes of Pansy Potter. Her naturally tan skin was still flushed and her midnight-black hair tousled with sleep. She wore a wicked grin when combined with an athletic body that promised pleasures that would make all but the most wanton reader cry

All this paired with the questing fingers that had just wrapped around Harry's "oldest friend" let him know that she was ready to pick up where the three of them had left off the night before. That being a game she had come up with called "The Auror, the Professor and the Gryffindor."

Well, it wasn't exactly a game…

Really, it was more of a play…

Actually, not so much a play as an exercise in improv. See, they didn't really have lines or much of a plot but they did have roles to play…

Anyway in this "play" Professor Parkinson has grown tired of a certain Gryffindor's cheek and brings in an auror to discipline him only for the cocky Lion to turn the tables on both of them. He still smirked at the thought of Pansy slurring out "Fifty points to Gryffindor" before she slipped into the embrace of Morpheus.

Pansy purred as she idly stroked him, "Good Morning, Mr. Potter."

He chuckled slightly before her ministrations caused him to groan, "Good Morning, Professor Parkinson."

She leaned across the bed and gave the corner of his mouth a lick before she whispered in his ear, "I think tonight we should play the next part of this game called 'The Professor and the Auror call for back-up.'"

Harry's hands came alive and gripped her hips expertly, "This game sounds brilliant, how do we play?"

"Well, it seems our Trouble-making Gryffindor has cornered a poor girl from Beauxbatons with a mind to sully her virtue-" Harry's lips and teeth on a sensitive spot behind her right ear caused her to moan "Mmm, very good."

He paused only long enough to say, "Keep going."

She took a handful of his hair and pressed him back to that spot before she spoke in a breathier tone, "So a Hufflepuff Prefect is patrolling with a Ravenclaw prefect and stumble across the scene. The Hufflepuff prefect tries to help while the civic-minded Ravenclaw prefect goes to our gorgeous professor to tell her. Knowing she and her auror friend were bested by him she calls in help from another auror and an Unspeakable-"

"EDWARD JAMES POTTER!"

At the shout from that echoed through the manor, all three occupants of the Master Bed sat up and looked towards the door. Dora, who was wide awake at the angered utterance of her oldest son's name, forgot about modesty as she began to dash from the room, wand in hand.

Which was just fine with Harry, despite his wife's fast approaching fiftieth birthday, magic, exercise and her metamorphmagus abilities have allowed her to keep the very, very perky body of a twenty year old witch. In fact, Harry was quite enjoying the way her backside swung enticingly back and forth as she charged across the room.

Pansy's voice stayed the Master Auror's hand at the door, "Pardon me, but Nymph?"

Dora paused and both she and Harry turned towards the witch that had remained in bed. For just a moment, Harry could think of nothing other than his olive skinned wife and the things her breathing was doing to her breasts. Her voice only barely reached him through the fog. "Not that I, or clearly Harry mind but you are naked." Dora flushed slightly and her hair turned from orange to a bright embarrassed red. Pansy continued, "Also, Anna-Belle's friends are here for a slumber party and seeing a Master Auror charge through the house nude might embarrass Fleur's daughter in front of her friends."

A flick of her wand summoned a knee-length violet silk robe from the floor and Dora quickly pulled it around herself before she stormed from the room to find out why Hermione was bellowing for Teddy.

Pansy plucked her own wand from the bedside table and a closed the door before dropping it back on the stand. She then turned his chin until he faced her, she then smiled seductively, "Now, Mr. Potter I believe that you and I should-"

"HARRY JAMES POTTER! GET YOUR ARSE DOWN HERE!"

With a growl, Harry flopped back into the pillows. "What did I do?"

The door opened and Susan and Daphne smirked at them from the hall, "It seems Headmistress McGonagall sent a letter, Teddy's been a bad boy."

Harry sat up and looked at the pair of amused witches, "So, this is my fault because?"

Unspeakable Daphne Potter turned to Susan Potter and the two giggled like the school girls they once were and not grown women and mothers of two of Harry's four sons before Susan said, "Oh no! You're going into this cold, Mister Potter!"

He turned to Pansy for sympathy but only received a shooing motion from her.

With a grumble, Harry slipped out of the bed then summoned his pajamas and pulled them on. Finally, he left the Master Suite cursing his wives half-heartedly the entire time.

It was a grumbling Lord Potter that arrived in the kitchen to find Hermione and Dora glaring at him while a bright red, twelve year old Edward James "Teddy" Potter sat at the table starring at his hands.

Seeing two of his wives so angry immediately brought instincts that hadn't truly been used since he sent Tom Riddle through the Veil at the DoM in his fifth year to the forefront. "What happened?"

Instead of explaining; his oldest friend, the woman who gifted him with sex for the first time and mother of his oldest daughter, Sharon Lily Potter, scowled at him the way she used to scowl at Ron Weasley. "Did I or did I not tell you to have The Talk with Edward before he went off to school last year?"

He turned to Teddy's mother, "Nymph, what-"

Dora's scowl was blistering, "Don't look to me for sympathy!" When he started to turn to Teddy she snapped at him again, "Don't ask him either! This is your mess!"

He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "'My Mess?' What the bloody hell did I do?"

In three steps, Hermione had closed the distance between them and slapped a roll of parchment into his chest. "Read this! Then call Sirius. Dora and I are going to gather your sons and you **will** have The Talk with them!"

He was then shoved rather unceremoniously out of the kitchen in the general direction of his den. He scanned the letter in his hands for a moment then as he began to realize why he'd have to call Sirius he muttered, "Oh Merlin! _The TALK!_"

When he sat down at his desk, he began to read the letter;

_"To: The Lord and Ladies Potter_

_"From the Office of Headmistress Minerva McGonagall_

_"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_"Dear Potter Parents,_

_"I am writing to inform you of an incident that occurred in the final week of the spring term involving one of your children attending this school._

_"Edward James Potter, Second Year Gryffindor (at the time of the incident) along with the entire of the second and third year Gryffindor Ladies were found in Edward's room after his roommates found their Head of House, Professor Lupin. The boys informed Remus that the girls had stormed into their room and demanded the other boys leave. _

_"Professor Lupin found that the room had been locked by several (admittedly impressive and advanced) locking spells. After unlocking the door, Remus entered the room to find Edward and the nine girls engaged in a combination of the games 'Spin the Bottle' and 'Seven Minutes in Heaven.'_

_"Rest Assured, all students involved served several detentions and will be serving more come the fall term. However since one of the girls involved was Professor Lupin's daughter, Emily Lupin-Black (Gryffindor Third Year at the time of the incident) and another was the Daughter of a Board of Governors' Member, Lily Black (also Gryffindor Third Year at the time of the incident) I felt it my duty to inform you of this incident and require Lord Potter to explain in detail his family's magics before his children, in particular his sons, return to Hogwarts in the fall._

_"Sincerely,_

_"Minerva McGonagall"_

It was with shaking hands that Harry picked up the floo powder and ignited the fireplace in his den. He tossed in a pinch and called out "Black Manor."

The flames turned green and he stuck his head in, "Sirius? Hestia? It's Harry. Anybody Home?"

The wife of his Godfather, Hestia Black's stern face greeted him. "We've been wondering when you'd call."

Harry flushed with embarrassment, "I'd only just heard about it before I called, Hestia. May I speak with Sirius?"

The usually cheerful auror frowned, "No. I think you'll talk to me first, Harry. Why did Remus find my daughter in a closet with _your son_ with his hand up her blouse? Not to mention his daughter had several 'bite marks' on her neck."

Harry felt all the blood leave his face, "'Hand?' 'B-bl-blouse?'" Hearing the details he started wondering how many floo calls he needed to place. Remus and Narcissa of course. He'd also have to call Neville and Hannah as their daughter was in Gryffindor and was Teddy's age. He'd have to call Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet as their daughter- Oh no! He'd have to call Bill Weasley!

Trained curse breaker, Bill Weasley. Bill, who married Marietta Edgecombe and who worked with goblins and never quite forgave him for breaking Ginny's heart… Harry was a dead man.

"Yes, Harry. His hand up her blouse! I know you of all people have played 'Seven Minutes in Heaven!'"

"Actually, I-"

"It's beside the point! I should have known that once the Potters started showing up at Hogwarts this would happen…"

Her head disappeared and he heard her calling for Sirius. Moments later the face of Sirius Black was in the fire with him, looking very much like the mass-murderer he was once thought of. "So glad you called, Harry." He spoke with a voice of a man prepared to strangle someone, Harry wondered if it would be him or his son. Probably both.

"Now, Sirius. I didn't think- I mean when I was in second year I wasn't even thinking of girls yet. I just…" He sighed, "I'm so sorry Sirius. I'm going to sit the boys down and talk to them today."

Sirius actually smiled, "It's okay Harry. I'm not very happy, but…" He chuckled then said, "Count your blessings, Pup. No one's in the pudding club."

Harry let out a broken laugh then said, "Thanks, Padfoot. I-ah…"

Sirius shook his head when Harry trailed off, "I don't envy you, Pup. When I explained the family magic to Lily I only had to explain transfiguration. You're in for it."

Sirius disappeared and Harry pulled his head out of the flame. He then flopped back into his chair and scrubbed his hands through his hair. He then called out, "Dobby?"

With a pop, Dobby appeared. Harry smiled at one of his oldest friends. The house elf returned his smile, no longer quite as manic after years of happy service to the Potter Clan. "Yes, HarryPotterSir? You asks for Dobby?"

He nodded, "Could you bring Teddy, Michael, Christopher and Cedric in please."

Dobby nodded, "Yes sir, HarryPotterSir. The Missuses Potter has already gathered your sons for a stern talking to!"

He disappeared with a pop and the number of chairs on the other side of the desk doubled a moment later there was a knock at his door. He called out for them to enter and the door opened. He found a stern looking Dora, Hermione and Cho marching his boys into the den before they left and closed the door. Leaving Harry to the probably the most awkward conversation he was ever going to have.

Teddy was in front. Teddy was just shy of his thirteenth birthday and a spitting image of his father, same mop of messy black hair and bright green eyes that apparently had the same affect on his school mates that snared his mother. However, Harry noticed something this morning. Teddy's hair changed quite suddenly as he entered the room to a sickly looking green.

Next was soon to be twelve year-old Christopher, his son with Cho. He looked very much like his maternal grandfather though he was tall for his age, taller than Teddy even. He'd been sorted into Hufflepuff, the first Potter in seven generations to go into the Badger House. Christopher also inherited both of his parents' ability with a broom and Sprout had all but demanded him to try out in the fall.

Michael and Cedric were his ten year old sons with Daphne and Susan respectively. They were affectionately known as the twins because they were born less than a day apart and almost as close as twins. Michael had Daphne's light brown hair and almost hazel colored eyes; he also had Daphne's subtle intelligence.

Cedric had Susan's red hair and coloring which gave reason for his Great Aunt and Grandmother to proclaim him the spitting image of Susan's uncle Edgar. However, his green eyes led Sirius and Remus to claim he looked like a perfect combination of Lily and James.

Cedric was also Sirius' apprentice in the Marauder's arts. Which, considering the subject of their upcoming talk, made Harry worry for his sanity as soon as Cedric started thinking of girls as something other than targets for pranks.

"Boys, have a seat."

They each took a seat and looked at him nervously, none of them except Teddy knew what this was about other than what they gathered by hearing Hermione yell out for their oldest brother and then father at seven in the morning.

"Boys…"

He looked at them and was at a loss. He'd never had this conversation; Sirius couldn't explain it and Hermione only knew what Susan and Megan had told her which was mostly rumor and innuendo. He'd had to read through the library in the Manor to learn his family's magic.

He blew out a frustrated breath, "Boys…"

Teddy gathered his courage and spoke, "Dad, I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't even know they were going to do it. Victoria Weasley, Sarah Longbottom and the other Second Year girls had been chasing me around all year and they gathered up Emily and Lily. They said all this stuff about magic and prowess. They said they wanted to play a game and the next thing I know, I'm being kissed by Emily and Lily's shoving me in a closet with Katie Johnson and-"

"THAT'S-" Harry cleared his throat when all four of his sons jumped, "Sorry, that's enough Teddy." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before saying, "Boys, let me start by apologizing but this conversation is going to be embarrassing for you and me as well for that matter but you need to know."

Silence descended on them and he realized that he might be frightening his sons. He decided to change tactics, "Have I ever told you about the very beginning of the Potter Family?

"A thousand years ago, Godric Gryffindor had five sons. The youngest, was Charlus. Charlus traveled Europe for years, learning magic and helping people. He had gained fame and glory by the time he returned to England.

"He came upon a village one day that was being terrorized by a witch called Wanda the Wicked. He sought her out and fought her and defeated her, but he also noticed something special about. You see, Wanda was cruel but she was also quite beautiful. So he married her-"

Teddy was stunned, "Dad? Why would he marry someone who was evil? That'd be like you marrying Bellatrix Black!"

Harry slumped back, already this wasn't going well. The mention of Bellatrix made this especially apparent. Bellatrix had been found and captured the night Riddle had died. This time she was given a more thorough investigation before her trial and several things were brought to light.

First; prior to Sirius becoming Patriarch, some of the senior members of the Black family were far more creative in exerting their authority over family members. Bella's mother and father forced her into an oath of fealty to the Lestrange brothers.

Second; in addition to using this oath to brutalize and abuse a young woman into marriage, they forced her into helping Voldemort who also tortured and raped her (mentally and physically) until she wasn't much more than a mad dog.

Finally, because of the first two reasons; Barty Crouch Senior had found her innocent at her "trial" but sent her to Azkaban anyway.

Sirius had been horrified and after his name had been cleared he took Bella into his care. It had taken years, but Bella was well enough to live on her own in the Black house in Wales. Not far from Potter Manor actually.

The comment did hit a little close to home because while he didn't _marry_ Bella he did have some intimate knowledge of her, before he'd started dating Fleur and Tonks.

"Teddy, I can't speak for why he did. I only know that he did it." Looking at his oldest son and seeing he wasn't going to ask another question, he continued. "After Charlus returned to his father with tails of his exploits Lord Gryffindor granted him his own family, and the Potter family was born. One hundred years later, Wanda Potter called the family together and blessed our family with good fortune and magical ability as long as our family continued to fight against oppression."

Seeing the boys pass looks between each other as they started to realize some of their birthright. "Boys, every generation of Potters has followed this path. We've struck down tyrants and dark lords for a thousand years, we've also used our political power to try and make things better for all the magical beings in England. All that will come as you grow older.

"What we need to talk about today is bit more… Tricky." He felt the tips of his ears burn before he continued, "You see… The other thing Wanda blessed our line with… Boys… Maybe I should start with why your Mothers asked us to have this talk, _today._ You see, all of you are getting older and you might be starting to notice witches… or wizards." He grimaced and then quickly amended, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!" He shook his head; he wasn't too keen on having _that_ talk. Ever. "Anyway, you may be starting to notice girls in a different light and witches may have started to notice you differently."

Cedric spoke, "You mean like how those girls kept chasing Teddy around with mistletoe over Christmas."

Michael picked up where his brother left off, "Or those girls at the train station yesterday that kept trying to show Christopher their undies?"

Harry's head whipped towards Christopher who was glaring at the smirking twins, "Chris?"

Teddy turned towards Chris, "Who? Was it the Weasley cousins?"

Harry paled as he realized Teddy was referring to Percy and Audrey's youngest daughter, Lucy and Charlie's daughter, Natalie. Harry suddenly had a memory of waiting as the Express pulled into the station. He saw Christopher talking to two pretty red-headed girls still wearing Gryffindor Jumpers for a moment before his youngest daughter; Constance performed her first feat of accidental magic on Pansy's ear rings.

He thought over the memory again and noticed several details he'd ignored. Like how Natalie's jumper seemed a little too small and Lucy's fingers at the edge of her skirt and tugging it up- 'Oh Merlin, I'm going to have the entire Weasley family out to kill me!' His eyes refocused on his sons, "Chris?"

Chris turned back to Harry when he repeated the boy's name, "Dad… I didn't do anything. I don't- They won't leave me alone!" Then to show that he was indeed Harry's son, his mouth continued working independently of his brain, "Besides I fancy Lisa Finnegan!" He flushed suddenly as his brain finally caught up to his tongue.

Harry actually chuckled, according to Hermione, Seamus and Lavender's daughter was a spitting image of her mother and a smart girl. Meanwhile, his sons descended upon Christopher for admitting he fancied a girl.

He allowed it to go on as he fondly imagined a world where he had brothers who would pick on him. Finally he held up his hand palm out, his sons quickly quieted. "Boys, this is what I'm talking about. You see our magic has given the Potters a reputation and there may be several witches approaching you wishing to play on that reputation. All I ask of you is discretion. Just because a witch offers you… Something does not mean you have to… Accept it. Be careful and please try not to make me a grandfather before you're out of school and _I hope_ married. Do you understand?"

Four heads shook in the negative. Harry dismissed them anyway.

Michael and Cedric disappeared and had probably forgot everything they talked about before they were at the door. Teddy and Chris stayed, much to Harry's dismay.

Teddy then asked, "Dad? Am I in trouble because of the… Spin the bottle. Mum and Hermione were really angry."

Harry smiled, "No son, I imagine the wizard they're angry with is me. See, Dora and Hermione wanted me to talk with you about this last year but I didn't." He picked up his wand and cast a few silent spells to prevent eavesdropping, "Just between the three of us, good on you Teddy. If it weren't their daughters involved Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus would be proud of you and if they give you too hard a time you just ask Uncle Remus about the time your Grandfather was kidnapped over Christmas Break and that should quiet them."

The boys grinned impishly before Teddy followed his younger brothers out of the den. Chris then flushed and Harry grinned, "Christopher, I was thinking of inviting the Finnegans out this summer for an afternoon, would you do me a favor and help arrange that? Maybe write their daughter Lisa or call her on the floo?"

Chris gave him a smile that reminded him so much of Cho and said, "I'd love to, Dad!" The young man then ran out of the den presumably for the fireplace in the living room.

Finally left alone with his thoughts, Harry began reminiscing on his youth. Secure in the knowledge that his wives would be having the talk with Sharon and Anna-Belle this summer and he didn't have to. He shuddered as he remembered Fleur talking about Anna-Belle's journey into womanhood, "Veela are veela, mon amour. There is no such thing as half or quarter veela and you're daughter is not just veela, she is also a Potter. She will have so many suitors."

He frowned, Anna might be veela, but all his daughters were beautiful just like their mothers.

His beautiful daughters that were charming and smart and still thought boys were silly… Silly boys like Fred's twin sons, both named George and George's twin sons both named Fred. He'd seen them trying to talk to Anna and Sharon before…

Boys like Ronald Weasley the Second who he'd seen chasing his daughter Emily around the playground with a toad last summer…

Boys like Scorpius Malfoy, whose father offered a marriage contract for his and Fleur's daughters hand last month…

He shot upright in his chair as he thought about how Anna-Belle was veela like her mother and Sharon was as beautiful as Hermione.

He frowned more deeply.

He thought about his and Cho's six year-old daughter Bai-An dragging that muggle "boyfriend" she'd claimed all through the front yard by the hand.

Suddenly his stomach churned.

He thought about how Emily could command an entire room's attention just like her mother, Pansy could.

He tasted bile and scowled.

His baby daughter, Constance whose cheerful voice made him smile no matter the situation.

He shot out of his chair and stormed out of his den, "FLEUR! HERMIONE!"

He was going to have to kill entire families!

-End-


End file.
